Awful Gambling Movies
Introduction: Awful Gambling Movies
Gambling in its self would be pretty boring unless you were a fan. So for a movie, there need to be some decent story arcs to drive the narrative. This means believable characters in equally believable situations. And that involves capable writers who understand the themes and motivations that circle and ultimately drive gamblers towards greater risks. If the writing is below par, and the director cannot helm a movie with gambling nuances, then all hope will be lost. No matter how much money you throw at a sub piece of art. It can never be improved and is simply better left unseen, as bad art is lethal to the soul. Today, let’s have a look at some gambling movies which are stinkers without any saving graces or redeeming features.
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Awful Gambling Movies: Deal (2008)
Here’s the movie spiel; “Deal yourself in for high-speed thrills and high-stakes poker action in this triumphant tale of cards and courage starring Burt Reynolds”. Here’s the Rotten Tomatoes Critics score; 3%. This one belongs at the very bottom of any gambling movie list. A bad script, followed by a mis-cast the size of Mars. And all helmed by an incompetent who probably has never played a single game of cards in his entire life.
Stereo Types Anyone?
It tells the story of Alex Stillman, who’s a former law graduate. He’s finding life sorely lacking while working at his dad’s firm as a junior clerk. But, he also shows signs of being a whizz at the game of poker. Then we meet Tommy Vinson, a washed-up grizzly poker player and card shark. He forced himself to give up the game after a close call in the form of his long-suffering wife. She threatened to leave him, and take their kid if he played again. These two clowns meet and Tommy, after seeing the hidden potential in Alex, offers to tutor him in all the tricks associated with poker.
Will You Be My Dad?
They strike a deal in which Tommy will pay the entry fees for Alex in various poker tournaments, providing that Alex follows his sensei’s instructions to the tee. There is the drama of the tournaments, two hero’s journeys to contend with, and a face-off between master and student at the end. Some love/sex interest is thrown in along the way, but by that point, you’re either asleep or playing on your phone.
The actor playing Tommy is Burt Reynolds. Yep, he of Deliverance, Boogie Nights, and The Longest Yard. One of the greatest American male sex symbols and icons of American masculinity. As one of the greatest actors of his generation, it was nothing but pitiful to see him so miscast and so un-enthused about a role.
What The Critics Said
From the New York Times: “Reynolds doesn’t convey any of the lightning bolt insouciance that made him arguably the greatest movie star of the 70s and 80s (really) but rather just stands there.”
From ReelViews, “The film has more of a checklist of cliches than an actual script and, when it comes to the cast, director Gil Cates Jr. is scraping the bottom of the barrel.” One credit went on to compare Deal to an episode of the Teletubbies, with Teletubbies coming out on top.
If you think of him come back character in Boogie Nights, this movie is the polar opposite. Of course, he didn’t write the awful contrived lines he was forced to speak. And there was never any doubt that this could be saved by an interesting director’s eye. One cannot help but think of all the effort involved to produce something so banal. It’s as if Reynold’s zoned out having realized early on just what a waste of time and effort this project was going to be.
For all his efforts, he received a Golden Razzie Award nomination for a worse supporting actor.
Awful Gambling Movies: Lucky You
From the director who bought you 8-Mile and L.A. Confidential, comes an absolute stinker. Curtis Hanson really let the team down badly, with sloppy writing and painfully slow direction. Curtis both penned and helmed the movie which starred Drew Barrymore and Eric Banner.
Do We Even Care?
The story follows Huck Cheever, who’s a talented but rash poker player with daddy issues. His hero’s journey is the path to the Poker World Series. Along with all the stuff he needs to overcome in order to finally get there. Along the way, we have a 2-dimensional loan shark and his goons. Oh, and there’s a love interest in the form of Miss Barrymore. We see how his gambling dad, played in his ever stoic manner by Robert Duvall, left him and his mother at a young age. The film tries hard to keep this father and son rivalry as a main on-going plot device.
Dull As Ditch Water
Because his father is also on a hero’s journey, he too must fight in order to….end up playing his son in the final. The film ends with both father and son reconciled, playing cards at the kitchen table for pennies and dimes. It’s at this point you can pass the sick bag. Essentially, the movie wants us to believe that the player at the poker table is the same person in their day to day lives. So Cheever is cold and emotionless throughout the movie until he meets his love interest. And this is somehow reflected in his playing style and his possibilities of winning at the poker table.
Two Hours Of Your Life Lost
The movie, at over two hours in length could have seen many more serious cuts. Some critics have pointed out, they should have left two hours of celluloid on the cutting room floor. With a total budget of $55 million and a box office of just $5 million, the public voted with their feet.
From the Arizona Republic, “This movie has so little to it that you begin to understand why they packed it with so much poker: They had to put something on the screen. But even die-hard Hold ‘Em fans will leave wishing for more.”
Awful Gambling Movies: 3000 Miles to Graceland
The plot for this sad and depressing movie centers around a robbery taking place in Las Vegas. Oh…and the theft will be carried out by Elvis impersonators as there happens to be an Elvis convention in town on the same week. The director/writer, Demian Lichtenstein, who has a vast catalog of music videos under his belt, somehow managed to rope in both Kevin Costner and Kurt Russel in this project from turn-around hell.
Wasted Stella Cast
Other cast members include Christian Slater, Courteney Cox, and David Arquette. And they’re all wasted. With a budget of $62 Million, it saw a return of just $7 million. Though it must be stated that the film has since become profitable via DVD sales and rentals. The two lead stars play the leaders of a group of professional thieves. They plan to take out a large casino in Vegas. After leaving a massive body count at the venue along with losing some of their own men, these two decide to split their winnings and find someone to launder it.
Bloody And Cheap
The whole enterprise has a kinda cut-price Tarantino vibe to it. Lots of guns, lots of blood, and some wanna-be witty conversations. But it lacks the auteur’s wit, editing style, and sheer technical abilities. All in all, it received a very generous 14% off Rotten Tomatoes. We have to admit, that whoever cut the trailer did a fantastic job. They made the movie appear watchable and fun. But the cold reality is really just boredom. You don’t care about these characters, when in fact, they should be carrying the movie with a lot more aplomb and grace. And it’s not just us that found the movie trite and foolish.
Won All The Wrong Awards
3000 Miles To Gracelands was nominated for no less than 5 Golden Raspberry Awards. These included Worst Picture, Worst Actor (Costner) Worst Supporting Actress (Cox), Worst Screenplay, and Worst Screen Couple (Russell and either Costner or Cox) but failed to win any of those categories. The film was also nominated for five Stinkers Bad Movie Awards. These included Worst Picture, Worst Actor (Costner), Worst Supporting Actress, Most Annoying Fake Accent – Female (Cox), and Most Annoying On-Screen Group (The Elvis Impersonators) but failed to win any of those categories.
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